Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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