im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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