Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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