Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
