my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
