you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
