I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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