just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize