you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
