is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
