This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
