Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's blow job season.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
