I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
