Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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