You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
