can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
