so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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