I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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