Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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