Pappa wants mamma naked
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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