nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
wow bdsm is so cute
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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