Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize