I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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