Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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