Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
