I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
