Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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