he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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