meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize