Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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