She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
