I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I supernannyed him into submission
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize