But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
