so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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