That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sober January is a disaster.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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