Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
