he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
