Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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