can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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