Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
