Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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