last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
