there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
