I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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