He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
