Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
