Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
