I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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