did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
