Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
