FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
