i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
