wrigley field is MILF paradise
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
