oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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