It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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