I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
