i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
