i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
