I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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